Tortures of the damned

You keep proving to others and yourself that you're worthless. Over and over again, the only thing you're really good at is disappointing people. If they only knew how hard you try, maybe they wouldn't look down on you so much. You try, every day, because sometimes you actually do something that people around you appreciate, even though you lost the energy to do so with a smile on your face a long long time ago. You're sitting there, writing down your thoughts, and can't find a single thing that gets you up in the morning except the fear of disappointing people until the point where the abandon you. So you try. You try so hard that your heart breaks inside because you really just wanna scream out how bad you feel instead of doing what they tell you to.

Instead of putting makeup on in the morning you put your smile on. Sometimes it lasts through the day, sometimes your whole world comes crumbling down within minutes. You've been through it so many times you don't even feel ashamed anymore. Crying is worthless, it doesn't get you anywhere. Screaming is worthless, no one hears you. Instead you stay quiet. Most kids do.

Deep inside you wonder when it's time to stop faking.