Tortures of the damned

Have you had the feeling that there's absolutely nothing left? Nothing makes you happy and there's no fucking joyful memories to bring you back. "When were we ever happy, dad?"

So what the hell do you do when all your dreams are over, all your hopes are gone and the only thing left is this little thing, this monster, tearing you apart from the inside, whispering in your ear that no matter how hard you try, you will always, always, be a failure.

You've failed at school, at all your jobs, and most importantly (?) at love. How will you survive this darling, how will you ever pull yourself up?

And I wish you would have never disappeared. I can't help to miss you. Really really much. It wasn't you and me, it was we, and it was us against the world. I will never feel that way again with anyone and it saddens me to think about all the bad things we said to eachother. I felt better when people were more used to see us together than apart.

I see right through your lies but I chose to pretend to believe them because I'm so afraid of being alone. I always have been. Always adjusted myself to others to make them happy. Just because I'm afraid they'll leave if I'm not perfect in their eyes. I've done things I didn't wanna do, I've laughed at boring jokes and watched movies I didn't wanna see, just to pleasure others. Have you ever done that? I've pretended to be someone else for so long I'm not sure I know myself anymore. Are you perfect in anyones eyes? Is it really you?

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I wish you'd hold my hand through this. I'm not sure if I can do it alone.

Don't you just love it when you realize that every single word that came from someones mouth was complete and utter bullshit? You are such a hypocrite, I can't even begin to tell you. Why'd you lie to me? Why didn't you just tell me the truth? Is that so fucking hard? You're a coward, and I hope you know this is about you. Grow up damnit.