Tortures of the damned

I'm desperatly afraid of dying but at the same time it's something I long for. I might now know what's on the other side but sometimes it doesn't matter, cause nothing could be worse then this. My well being is somewhat compromised, but at the same time I feel good. It's weird to feel opposites, it feels like I'm dragged apart by a force, a lot stronger than myself.

My desperate attempt to grow roots somewhere else has succeeded, even though I know this isn't the right place for me either. I can't be still, I need to go, my body is screaming at me to go now but I can't. I made promises and I intend to keep them. I will count the days until I'm free again.

I have a plan in the back of my mind for this summer, to run, and not tell anyone where I'm going. I've been known to go to other countries without knowing where to stay for the night and I always manage to find somewhere. Maybe this summer will be the one.